A few things I’ve learned while stuck in bed.

1. The worst commercials are played between the hours of ten a.m. and four p.m. And then again between twelve and four a.m.

2. You’ll watch three hours of I Love Lucy before finally gathering the energy to lift the remote and turn down the volume… just so you can roll over and go to sleep. Again.

3. I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is nauseatingly sweet when you’re sick. But it was either that or another slice of bread.

4. Plain white bread is delicious and requires absolutely no energy whatsoever.

5. Yes, I eat white bread. Oh, the humanity!

6. Being sick and unable to sleep will make you want to punch someone, preferably the person snoring next to you, in the face.

7. Cats don’t understand that they’re not helping the situation by pressing their overly warm bodies against yours while you’re in the midst of an angry fever.

8. I hate NyQuil. “The only thing NyQuil has ever cured is consciousness.” (Name that TV show.)

9. Phlegm… the kind that gets stuck in your throat and makes you cough and choke and gag until tears are streaming from your eyes and snot from your nose… is a product of the devil.

10. Crying doesn’t help when your sick and frustrated. In fact, it just makes your head ache even worse.

11. Susan Elizabeth Phillips is an amazing romantic author. A fact I had forgotten until I discovered I had enough energy to flip the pages of a book.

12. I love chap stick even more now that my lips are severely dry and chapped from only being able to breath through my mouth.

13. Getting into a fight with your husband right before falling ill is really bad timing.

14. If the chest pain is any indication, I fear I may have pneumonia. Ugh.

But enough about me. How do you handle being ill?

Me? I burrow under the covers and refuse to wash my hair.

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16 thoughts on “A few things I’ve learned while stuck in bed.

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  1. So sorry to hear you are feeling bad….never a fun time in my book. I handle illness about the same way you do with the burrowing and the refusing to wash the hair. I think it gives me a more dramatic and pitiful look. For item six, if you punch him while snoring you could hurt your hand. Use this tip I used when I was married….hold their nose and when they wake up gasping and wondering what happened, you lie there and pretend you are asleep. It will be hard not to snicker so concentrate. Worked every time for me! And no, that isn't why I'm divorced now. 🙂

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  2. Oh no! Hope you're feeling better! When I'm sick I turn into a crying whining baby. I feel like I will die at any second…even if its a slight cold. Remember when your “boyfriend” smooshed that white bread into a ball in that episode? I love him but I like white bread too. -L

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  3. I hit the couch. It helps with items two and six and sometimes nine depending on how you position yourself. I believe fully in the healing power of the couch. Unless the problem is nausea, in which case I believe in the healing power of the cold tile bathroom floor.Feel better. Like now.

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  4. I'm sorry you're sick. So is my ten year-old who claims she can't talk and keeps slapping the table and/or snapping her fingers when she wants me. She then writes down her requests like “Buy me candy corn” on little pieces of paper and shoves them at me. It's day three and I want to throw every note (+ her sick little self)into a roaring fire.Okay then. So when sick,I love a quart of wonton soup (in bed) and if not vomitting – an egg roll on the side. Hot mustard clears the sinuses. Also Bravo TV is a wonderful thing.

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  5. Lucky Thirteen. “Getting into a fight with your husband right before falling ill is really bad timing.” Unless you have the foresight (or the huevos) to sneeze all over his sorry butt and get him sick too, at which time, you must not be anywhere around in order to prevent your relapse. See where I'm goin' with this?

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  6. –>When I'm sick I think I'm dying and then make a promise to myself that I will NEVER take being healthy for granted. Then a few days passes and I forget all about it til I get sick again. I hope you feel better!~debhttp://www.websavymom.com/

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  7. So sorry to hear/read that you are sick!Always before, when I had kids at home, I haven't been able to just stay in bed and get better. Mom's can't get sick or so my oldest progeny told me the last time I was attempting to hack up a lung.Perhaps now, if or when I get sick, I can just stay in bed and get better. An interesting concept.

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  8. During a bout of flu in grad school, I watched a 9-hour Star Trek marathon while periodically exclaiming, “This is the best show EVER! Why didn't anyone tell me?!”

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