1. Choose a name
2. Choose a platform: Blogger vs. WordPress (this will keep you awake at night)
3. Feel excited with the unending potential of a clean slate
4. Spend a minimum of 863 hours on designing the new blog
5. Write customary “welcome home” post
6. Write customary “about me” post
7. Foresee yourself writing something highly witty and entertaining and smart every. single. day. for eternity because, hello!, you’re awesome and that is the magic of a brand new blog
8. Transfer all posts from all previous blogs since the beginning of time because the idea of having all your content in one final place leaves you feeling all warm on the inside and no, you haven’t been drinking
9. Allow your obsessive compulsive personality to win and begin the process of going through each and every post to ensure there are no broken links, missing images, or anything even remotely less than perfect because, hello!, you’re perfect
10. Feel embarrassment over some of your earlier posts and remind yourself that you were only twenty-five and ending sentences with “yay!” is perfectly acceptable at twenty-five
11. Feel embarrassment over the number of fan-girl Twilight posts
12. Consider rereading Twilight
13. Ponder the possibility of ever being as carefree as you were at twenty-five
14. Read about your divorce
15. Be depressed
16. Consider rereading Twilight
17. Tell yourself you’ll finish this stupid fucking project later
18. Know you’re lying to yourself
19. Eat some chocolate
20. Rinse and repeat every year or two depending on your mood
I have perfected these steps over the years. Trust me, they work. (That is, as long as your end goal is an anxiety disorder and TO QUIT BLOGGING. Totally works.)
